Wednesday, July 31, 2013

The beloved arrives as an electrifying mirror

Why is intimate relationship such an alchemical vessel for growth, healing, and transformation? One of the reasons is that in intimate relationship there is nowhere to hide. All of our early trauma and wounding arose in an interpersonal context and must likewise be unwound within a relational field. If we have a partner who knows our early history, who is intimately familiar with our core vulnerabilities, and is compassionately attuned to its unfolding and illumination, we are in an interesting predicament: On the one hand, this partner has appeared as a guide from beyond, as a mirror into our own hearts. What a precious situation.  

On the other hand, we have entered the realm of the terrifying and the unknown. It is vast here, but there is no ground; we are being held, but it is a holding that is unbearably vulnerable and without history. We stand totally unclothed in their presence, unable to fool them like we fool so many others, unable to pretend we’re running around in some mythic awakened reality, safe and secure and tucked away from the uncontrollable burning fires of intimacy and its revelations. The beloved sees all, but is this what we really want? This is not the almighty guru from afar, or the friends and spiritual brothers and sisters that know us only in context. Something more electrifying has come onto the scene. And it seeks to re-order *everything*. 

The beloved appears as grace, but it is not always a sweet grace, or a grace that supports egoic process or our spiritual identity-accomplishment projects and fantasies; at times it is unrelenting, uncompromising, and fierce; for it is the grace that reveals the deepest mysteries and qualities of your own heart. It is the grace that your cells and DNA are made of; yes, it is that intimate. Love has appeared in the form of this beloved not to provide certainty, comfort, safety, and awakening fantasies of a life of invulnerability. Fortunately, though, this was not what you were after anyway; for you are being called to something much more majestic, much wilder, much more creative. It can be incredibly anxiety-provoking to realize you will never have a day off again, there will be no more retreats, no more vacations, no more hiding out in the transcendent: for the beloved has come and she wants to show you something… everything.