Saturday, June 1, 2013

The movement of love to reorganize your world

There is a part of us that wants so badly to believe there is some formula, some secret, some state of consciousness, some technique, some transmission, some experience that will bestow upon us a fundamental resolution to the anxiety that there is nothing in actuality which corresponds to our concepts, our fantasies, our hopes, our fears, and our dreams. We want a solid reference point because the groundlessness of empty space is too vast, it’s too uncertain, it’s too pregnant, it’s too vulnerable there – and we know that within this acausal, ahistorical, non-personal erupting field of love that there will no longer be any support for personal identity. But these qualities are the nature of consciousness, the nature of this miracle-body and this blood-pumping heart. There is no escape. It is terrifying here, and also so unbearably compelling. We can’t let love have us all the way but yet neither can we turn from it. We find ourselves face to face with a cosmic, divine disorientation. 

And then we’ve found it: the most enlightened teacher, the most advanced teaching, the most powerful state of consciousness, the deepest cosmic insights. We have the experiences that are described, we have the “shift” that is promised, we have made it. The only problem is that in the very next moment love is there to meet us, and it comes to destroy. Its destruction is none other than a raging, out of control grace – untamed, unknown, unbearably creative, fierce, and is exploding with the messy, gooey, sticky, uncompromising, unyielding qualities of transformation. We know that if we let this fire in that it will reorganize everything, and we’re just not sure that is what we really want. What about the images, the “awakened me,” the safety, the known, the personal ground; what about the organizing strategies that keep me safe from breaking all the way open, from falling apart, from being exposed and seen all the way through? 

Back to disorientation, confusion, groundlessness… and then when all is thought to be lost, a call comes out of the thundering silence, a message is pouring out of the center of your wild beating heart: the true rest you are looking for will never be found in some new awakened identity, in some fabulous new me that is without fear, without conflict, without vulnerability; in second-hand, pre-described, cookie-cutter constructed experiences; safe, certain, and secure in some resolved state into eternity. The mind spins. The heart breaks. It is shown to you so clearly that love cares not for any of this. Love is concerned only with totality, the actual, the unknown, and will use any and all form to unveil the mysteries of creation. Self, no-self, duality, non-duality, the personal, the impersonal, the divine, the human, oneness, multiplicity, peace, conflict, sadness, happiness, confusion, bliss – each and every quality is birthed, maintained, and destroyed by love in the end. Love is that ground from which all form, all experience, all images come and go. The mysteries of this human experience have somehow miraculously taken shape as your own body, as the cells that make up your heart and nervous system, as the strands of your DNA, as the sacredness of each and every one of your organs, and as the pathways of blood that move through you. Love is pouring through you in this very moment as a raging fire, and sending whatever it must into your experience so that you may stop for just one moment and allow it to reorganize your world.