Monday, June 3, 2013

The most sacred shattering

Sometimes we feel it’s just too much, that we just cannot allow this movement of love within us; that if we really let it all the way in, and let it have its way with us, that we will break open, shatter, and that we might not be able to be put back together again. In my experience, this is a very accurate concern, and reveals the reality and the immensity of the transformative movement of love in our lives: Will we recognize ourselves any longer? Will we know how to be in relationship? Will there be any reference point left where we’ll be able locate ourselves? We know that if love is the actual organizing principle in our lives that we will end up fully in the unknown.

In my experience, love comes into our lives to transform and to forge the new, to pour itself through the old structures and to create new pathways within our bodies, in our hearts, in our nervous systems. As it moves through us, it will inevitably expose to us the cracks and the holding places and the armor that we have erected to protect ourselves from its devastatingly, transformative movement and the implications of our lives being organized around this transformation. But it is in these cracks and broken-open places that the luminous can most powerfully pour forth; it is out of the darkness that the light can shine the brightest.

The heart cries out: it’s too much to bear! Yes, it is too much to bear… let us let go of that burden of bearing together, of holding it all together, of keeping the pretense alive that we are in control here, that it is we who are making use of love in this world. Love does not need us to bear it, we can lay down this cross… and be crucified… and then stand in awe at the resurrection and transfiguration that unfold in front of our eyes. The loss is devastating, yes, for it is the loss of everything that is false within us, of every last bit of belief that we are separate from Life, from Love. The implication of this… is the most sacred shattering. And in that shattering is what we are, and all that could ever be wanted.