Friday, March 22, 2013

The ever-wild, untamed, crazy uniqueness of your life as it is...



It is so natural to want to arrive in a place where we remain forever untouched by suffering, fear, conflict, and separation. We organize our intimate relationships, our friendships, our work in the world, and our spiritualities in unconscious ways so that we do not have to feel certain feelings, and so that we can continue to have certain experiences that we have come to believe are more spiritual, more peaceful, and evidence that we are becoming one of the great awakened ones. When sadness is there, or anger, or confusion, or shame, or conflict, or jealousy, or grief, or loneliness, or the experience of “a self,” there is a way that we can so easily turn toward intimacy, toward spirituality as a buffer from the experiential intensity expressing in our bodies. We don’t want to be too vulnerable, we don’t want to risk too much, we don’t want to be too exposed, too naked, be asked to give up too many of our spiritual beliefs and fantasies, for we sense at the deepest levels that if we really let love all the way in that it will reorganize everything; it will take apart and reassemble our entire body, heart, and self-organization. We will be back in the unknown, the reference points will be stripped away, our identity as a spiritual person or an awakened one will be obliterated in love’s transforming fires, for we know ultimately that love has no interest in this.

When guests arrive at the door of your raw, tender, wide open, naked heart, in the form of the feelings, emotions, and sensations that you have deemed unworthy, unspiritual, too yucky, “not awakened,” just too much, take just one moment to breathe deeply into them, breathe in and out of your heart, and ask them what they have come to show you. Make a commitment to yourself, to being so kind to your immediate experience, that you will not turn away, not this time; you will dwell in the most luminous holding environment of love, touching whatever is there, wanting so badly to meet whatever visitors appear. You wonder: What if these guests may be forms of love in drag, disguised fragments of grace which have come in response to your deepest prayers? In this sacred pause, we touch the vast intelligence and raging creativity which has assembled this universe, this body, these senses, this heart – taking shape and form as each and every thought, feeling, emotion, sensation, and relationship that could ever arise in your embodied experience. Something mysterious is happening here, some miracle of grace is pouring throughout this milky way galaxy and is expressing in the most wildly unique way, as your life, as it is.