Wednesday, March 6, 2013

Still here… in tatters on the ground, held by an unfathomable love

Have we ever really been able to hold it all together? There is a part of us that wants to somehow guide the process of polishing the heart, to somehow know what the journey will be like, what it will demand of us, what falling into the unknown will actually look and feel like. The uncertainty, the vulnerability, the nakedness, the unbearable intimacy and exposure, spilling over everywhere... love is completely out of control. Is this what we signed up for? Here, there are no formulas, no answers, no ground, no certainty, no gurus, no second-hand awakening theory, no freedom from the burning surges of every feeling, emotion, and sensation that we’ve not previously allowed all the way in. They are all pouring through the cracks of light in your heart. No ground or reference point to move out of or rest in – just a shattering – the falling away of everything that is false. Endless death, dying slowly – dying to live. Fully exposed. How much of the false can we allow to die? Can we see how much we don’t need, how much of the old was never real? Can we allow ourselves to die by grace? Everything falling apart, where it is revealed in one moment that it was never, ever together in the first place.
Love is not subject to any laws, universal or otherwise. The crucifixion, the resurrection, the transfiguration – all rolled up into one, this heart taken apart piece by piece by love. How will the nervous system hold so much? Even one more moment could shut the whole body-show down. There is no way this heart can take even one more bit of opening… But one more moment it is, the lover has no choice but to risk it all for one drop of that grace-nectar that pours through the galaxies in just one moment of allow love to reorganize it all… somehow, still here, still raw, still broken-open, in tatters on the ground, grateful, torn, utterly exposed, always and forever in awe of love and its movement.