Saturday, February 9, 2013
This human experience is a grace field…
Many of you have shared lately that you are being called to open to this life in a new way – to set aside everything you thought you knew about love, intimacy, and the spiritual journey. You’ve seen the ways you’ve been holding back, hiding out, and staying safe, even through your most sacred spiritual beliefs, ideas, and practices. You are ready to take the risk that love always demands; you're being asked to allow everything to die and be reborn in a burning crucible of love. You know, though, that allowing the movement of love into your life in this way will reorganize *everything*, you sense that it will re-order your body, your senses, your thoughts, your words, your relationships, your feelings, your nervous system, and everything you’ve learned. The way you’ve been organizing your reality will likely never be the same – and this is both exhilarating and terrifying. All that is left is you and your raw, tender, vulnerable, wide-open heart, and your desire to fully be there for others.
When we allow love to pour out of the unknown and to be the architect of this life, the bottom falls out from underneath this reality; we find ourselves flying through empty space, with no parachute and no ground. Yes, the space is empty, but we come to realize that it is empty of our concepts; our ideas about reality are seen to not quite correspond to the majestic grace field that is this precious human experience. Out of this emptiness arises the most luminous pregnant fullness; we have been given so much. My god. We see that there are no longer any reference points through which we can truly know ourselves or to know whatever sacred other appears in our lives. Arising out of this wild unknown, there is no perspective from which we could be “awakened” or “not yet awakened” or “soon to be awakened” – out of this luminous environment of love, there is no longer any movement to construct these or any other spiritual fables. It is finally seen there is no “me” which could ever “become” “awakened.” The fairy tale of the awakened me is swallowed up in love’s purifying flames. What you are is always, already awake, and has nothing to do with me and my spiritual fairytales, or me and my experiences. Who you are, what you are, what this life is, lies beyond any experience.
By some mysterious grace, when we realize that it is love that is orchestrating this one and only precious life, that it is the master architect of every relationship we’ve had and will ever have, when we see clearly how it is responsible for providing us the gift of every thought, feeling, emotion, and sensation that this body and nervous system could ever make contact with… our lives become flooded with the truth of love and the love of truth. And then all that we’re asked is to somehow be willing to let everything matter all the way, to give this pulsing overflowing heart over to love and watch carefully how it will make use of it.
It is not an easy life, in one sense, for there is always a tinge of sadness there… you somehow, crazily agree to remain forever and always raw, always on the edge of being broken open, excruciatingly vulnerable, tethered to the unknown into eternity. The purpleness of purple, the redness of red, the blueness of blue… it’s almost too much. My god, how did there get to be so much grace here? Out of this swirling reality of grace, we are asked to make a trade off… falling off the grace-cliff of safety, ground, protection, and the known… hurled through a portal of love into the sweetest (often bitterly so) most precious opportunity we’ve ever been given: this human body and these human senses – right here, right now, *this* state of consciousness, as it is - you as you are – forever, carried into eternity in a holding environment of love.
This human experience is a grace field, and you are deeply and profoundly honored to behold its beauty with everything you’ve got, with the only response to it all that makes any sense whatsoever: not, “give me more groovy experiences, give me bliss, give me ‘no self,’ give me ‘no conflict,’ take away all the yuckies forever”– but, “Oh my god, thank you. No matter what experience is given – whether there is a "self" here, or a personality, or something yucky, or “conflict," I will make use of *everything* that is offered, as the most raging skillful means to connect deeply with others, to meet them where they are, to touch them and hold them, falling apart and breaking open as love requires, utterly willing to remain unbearably vulnerable forever, and to become a transparent vessel for the radical and ever-transformative movement of love.