It is so natural to want to arrive in a place where we remain forever untouched by suffering, fear, conflict, and separation. We organize our intimate relationships, our friendships, our work in the world, and our spiritualities in unconscious ways so that we do not have to feel certain feelings, and so that we can continue to have certain experiences that we have come to believe are more spiritual, more peaceful, and evidence that we are becoming one of the great awakened ones. When sadness is there, or anger, or confusion, or shame, or conflict, or jealousy, or grief, or loneliness, or the experience of “a self,” there is a way that we can so easily turn toward intimacy, toward spirituality as a buffer from the experiential intensity expressing in our bodies. We don’t want to be too vulnerable, we don’t want to risk too much, we don’t want to be too exposed, too naked, be asked to give up too many of our spiritual beliefs and fantasies, for we sense at the deepest levels that if we really let love all the way in that it will reorganize everything; it will take apart and reassemble our entire body, heart, and self-organization. We will be back in the unknown, the reference points will be stripped away, our identity as a spiritual person or an awakened one will be obliterated in love’s transforming fires, for we know that love has no interest in this.
And then we're left with the immensity of the question: is it the movement of fear, or is it the movement of love, which sets up the fable of awakening, where we'll never have to feel any of the yuckies again, where conflict will never touch us, where finally the "ego" is gone forever, the mind is obliterated, the personality is destroyed, where we can finally rest in some self-constructed ego process of "the awakened me?" In this sacred pause, we come to see that love will use whatever process necessary to share kindness, to touch another, to open your heart, so that you may connect so deeply with another, use your words and hands and your soul to comfort them, to hold them, to fall in love with them exactly as they are. Gone are your agendas to transfer your half-baked states to them, your conditioned awakening theory, filling them with your unresolved wounding in the name of "awakening," or feeding them your unmet developmental needs from the past. You care too much about them to continue to do this; you know they are too sacred. Within conflict, within "ego," within your personality, pouring out of your heart and mind, within your "self" is a raging intelligence and vast creativity, which love will use if you allow it. Use your discernment, friends, for it is a gift directly from the heart of the beloved. Take the time to use your own intelligence. Open your eyes and your hearts to your own truth; be a lamp unto yourselves.