Saturday, September 22, 2012

Sleep deeply wherever you are on the way...

We want a radical intimacy more than anything – a partner or a situation or a friend or an experience through which we are able to share our deepest truths and our raw open hearts; to finally, once and for all, let go of the exhausting effort to become someone different. But until we deeply embrace our utter aloneness, invite it all the way in as the sweet friend it is – meet it as a beloved guide from beyond, receiving its gifts from the stars – the intimacy we so long for can never be fully embraced. We will always be holding back slightly, not fully able to allow the other to mean *everything*. We will always remain a bit distant, longing painfully for a plunge into closeness, driven from within to seek some experience – any experience – other than this one. In the words of our dear Rumi: “Any search moves away from the spot where the object of the quest is. Sleep deeply wherever you are on the way. Maybe some traveler will wake you."

So, friends, can we allow ourselves, somehow, to be awoken by the traveler of love, to stay utterly, unbearably close to the other, painfully close to our own experience, as it is? Can we somehow stand still in the raging fires of intimacy, of relationship, of being utterly naked in the heart of the beloved? For when we stay very, very close – resisting all temptation to hold back just a little, ducking behind our fears and strategies – the apparent reality of separateness is revealed to have never, ever happened. And then, in the end, love is laid bare as what it always was, a luminous thief, with nothing to give, everything to take, and yet still somehow offering everything, more than we could possibly ever want. Our fear of intimacy, which even our most precious spiritualities can help us to stay distant from, melts into unbearable grace, and unspeakable connection, over and over and over again.