Friday, August 17, 2012

The willingness to be broken-open – and to stay there forever…

It sounds so simple, but in many ways it is utterly terrifying and excruciatingly counter-instinctual to commit fully to the reality of our immediate embodied experience. It is so tempting, so compelling to move away from the here and now, and into the there and then. If we commit to our lives right now, as they are, there is a part of us that knows we will soon be getting really sticky, yucky, gooey, gummy, mushy, slimy and all tangled up in the brambles and pricklies of the forest of grace that is this life. It is so risky. It is so yummy. It is so intimate. It is so unbearable. 

There are so many ways to get hurt, to feel shame, to feel anxious, to be scared, to feel embarrassed, to be humiliated, to not be met, to end up utterly exposed. What if someone *really* sees who I am? How safe is it to offer my heart in a totally unguarded way? What assurance do I have it will not shatter into a million pieces? As we have all come to see, unfortunately, life offers no such assurances. Even so, somehow we dive right in, so unbearably open that a slight breeze or a drop of rain or the fragrance of a flower or the morning birdsong can seem like too much. It just penetrates us too deeply, rippling through our unguarded hearts with its presence. Where is the protection around the heart? Is the ribcage even there any longer? Is there even any tissue or skin available any longer to buffer the rawness?  We realize that we’re really such sensitive beings. 

We’ve paused, we’ve allowed this life to matter, we’ve made the commitment that the only divine there could ever be, the only god there could ever be, the only awakening there could ever be, the only love there could ever be, is that which is right here and right now, intimately revealed by the most radical grace of present experience. These things will never be found elsewhere, in some more “spiritual” or “higher” state of consciousness that so many are chasing these days. The movement out of the center of being is the movement of suffering, of a subtle self-aggression, of a not fully honoring of the gift of this life as it has been given. 

In one moment of a fully embodied, radical love and kindness toward yourself, you behold the state of consciousness and sensual reality that grace has miraculously provided you with right now, become unbearably curious about it and fall in love with it, and give everything to know it in its depth and most sacred dimensions. Then you see so clearly that this is the sweetest, most remarkable life, and you’re left with just a tinge of sadness at how precious the whole thing is… the yoga of raw tender vulnerable sadness, the yoga of the willingness to be broken-open, and to stay there… forever.