Saturday, August 18, 2012

The love-yogi and the unbearable demands of true initimacy

Many of you have been sharing the challenges you’ve been having in the area of intimacy – and the inherent difficulties which arise when we commit to the radical path of relationship-yoga. Whether you’re in a relationship, moving out of one, or whether you are aware of a sweet longing for an intimate partner to share your heart with, these matters are alive inside all of us. We have come to see that the love we long for involves tremendous risk, excruciating exposure, and the willingness to live in a way that is totally unguarded, raw, and vulnerable – *at all times.* How can we possibly sit in the raging furnace that is intimacy knowing that all of our hopes, fears, fantasies, anxieties, and scary parts will likely never, ever be wrapped up into some clean and tidy package? Or where we come to some final resting place of “awakening” with the unbearable burning inside our hearts neatly resolved according to the eternal demands of the separate self? 

Can we find a way to be in relationship where we do not limit the mystery of love’s expression, and resist the temptation to have the fires of love conform to our endless requirements? Perhaps there will always be surges of uncontainable grief, sadness, fear, anger, jealousy, shame, and irritation that arise in the intersubjective field of lovers. Though we know not the route, the destination, the rewards, or the dangers of the deep luminous-dark ocean of love, let us somehow nonetheless take this journey together. And above all, let us be kind to ourselves and our partners if we decide to truly take up the yoga of intimacy, knowing that it will take *everything* to navigate, as it offers fruits beyond this world.