Monday, August 27, 2012

In awe of love and her movement...

Have we ever really been able to hold it all together? There is a part of us that wants to somehow guide the process of opening the heart, but how can we contain the raging fires of love? The uncertainty, the vulnerability, spilling over everywhere… love is completely out of control. Is this what we signed up for? Opening into annihilation, without expectation, never any end to the story in some constructed “awakening” fantasy. No answers, just endless shattering – the falling away of everything that is false. Endless death, dying slowly – dying to live. Fully exposed. How much of the false can we allow to die? Can we see how much we don’t need, how much of the old was never real? Can we allow ourselves to die by grace? Everything falling apart, where it is revealed in one moment that it was never, ever together in the first place.

Love is not subject to any laws, universal or otherwise. The crucifixion, the resurrection, the transfiguration – all rolled up into one, this heart taken apart piece by piece by the Beloved one, as you gaze into her eyes, and she into yours. How will the nervous system hold so much? Even one more moment could shut the whole body-show down. There is no way this heart can take even one more bit of opening… But one more moment it is, the lover has no choice but to risk it all for one drop of that grace-nectar that pours through the galaxies in just one moment of communion with the beloved one… somehow, still here, still raw, still broken-open, in tatters on the ground, grateful, torn, utterly exposed, always and forever in awe of love and her movement.