Monday, July 2, 2012

Intimacy is the most difficult yoga

When we commit to living an intimate life, part of the agreement with the heart is that we will inevitably feel feelings that we would ordinarily be able to avoid. Perhaps we could go see a movie, say a mantra, surf the internet, have some food, worship a guru, hop on the treadmill, pick up a book; we can always find a way to avoid the fire of intimacy. 

In intimacy, there are no longer any secret trap doors that we can find in the back of the room through which we can exit. There is always a slight burning inside, an unbearable sense of aliveness, knowing that at any moment just one glance from the Beloved, in whatever form she chooses to take, could trigger a tidal wave of feelings. For a moment, we’re so tempted to blame the avalanche on the other, but then we realize that the other is just being him- or her- self. They’re not actually doing anything to us. How is it that just by being who they are, we find ourselves having to experience feelings and sensations that we had no idea were inside us, friends previously unmet and unmetabolized from the past? 

Intimacy is the most difficult yoga and requires everything, including a total willingness to be fully exposed, to let another deeply matter, and to somehow miraculously turn toward the fires of transformation, beholding the wide open, groundless, uncertain, unknown reality of love, which offers us absolutely nothing, except for everything.