Saturday, July 28, 2012

A cure through love

It was Freud, in a letter to Carl Jung, who said: “psychoanalysis in essence is a cure through love.” It hurts us so much when those around us are suffering, when those we care about are struggling. What do we do? How can we help? What are the most direct ways to lessen the grief, the sadness, the anxiety, the shame, the fear? We hear that to truly love another is the most powerful form of healing but what does this mean? What I’ve seen, over and over again, is that at the deepest level all any of us really want is to be validated, is to be seen, to be met fully, to have our experience held and contained by another. It sounds so simple, but in practice is in fact a revolution. 
We long to somehow receive permission to be what we are, for another to understand how we are organizing our experience, for another to somehow be willing to enter into a burning love-field with us, without needing us to be different, to be “cured,” or even to heal. When we are truly met, when our organization is fully validated by another, a very organic process of healing is initiated – one that does not come from us or from our friend who is suffering – but seemingly from some mysterious Other. When we allow ourselves to enter deeply into the subjective experience of another – and when they feel us with them inside of the cracks and crevices of each and every cell of their heart – love takes over, grace begins to whisper its secrets, and we turn toward home, together.